review

HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION

Two things are certain in the HALLOWEEN franchise. The first is simple: if you are a Sheriff's daughter or family dog, you're not going to live through the third act. The second: a profound disappointment always follows a success. After the semi-successful reunion between Jamie Lee Curtis and Michael Myers opened big at the box office, the guys at Dimension decided another installment was in order. This time, the Laurie Strode storyline would be permanently laid to rest, leaving Myers free to stalk whomever the hell he wanted, for whatever reason the new writers wanted.


Michael comes for Laurie in Halloween: Resurrection

If I were to rank the HALLOWEEN films from best to worst, this would be jockeying for position at the bottom of the barrel with the dreadful HALLOWEEN 5. The comedic tone of HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION simply does not mesh with the suspense Rick Rosenthal - returning to the franchise after directing HALLOWEEN 2 - tries to create. Every guffaw, every inside joke or painful pop culture works against what little tension there is, making HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION one of the limpest and most conflicted installments in the series. Is this a comedy? It most certainly seems to think it's funny. Pound for pound, HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION contains more pathetic sight-gags and juvenile jokes than any other installment but every joke falls completely flat. Its barely adequate group of actors can't muster up a single chuckle. Is it a horror film? Well, technically, yes, but it sure as hell ain't scary.


Jamie Lee Curtis returns in Halloween: Resurrection

Its opening sequence, where Laurie Strode is finally killed by her brother, is effective but nothing else in the film comes close to those opening ten or so minutes. Even the standard explaination - where the audience learns that Myers survived the film by crushing the larynx of an officer, knocking him unconscious, and slinking off after swapping clothes with him, during which not a single person notices a hulking man with a hideously scarred face carrying a knife wandering off into the woods - threatens to turn this serious opening into high comedy but can't. The ridiculous explaination is merely nonsense we have to wade through in order to get to more of what we wanted so we tolerate it.


Michael attacks in Halloween: Resurrection

From that point on, though, HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION doesn't just go down the toilet, it clogs the fucker up and spews shit all over your bathroom floor. We're introduced to our standard group of college nobodies who have just signed on to Dangertainment, an internet reality show, and will be spending the night exploring the Myers house. No one needs to be told what happens next. It's 90 minutes of predictable mayhem and aggravating gags. Watching Busta Rhymes kung-fu fighting Michael Myers is not only insulting but utterly disappointing. This is the true definition of a "Product", a movie made obstensibly for fans but actually made for anyone with ticket money.


This is how Halloween: Resurrection made me feel

This is a film that I find really hard to write about. I have nothing nice to say about it. I can't go more than a few sentences before I want to go off on a rant about how poorly made this film is, how poor the writing is, how piss-poor the acting is, or how stupid the concept is. This is a film that negates any intellectual thought you might try to put into it. Some people might be able to dig deeper into it and find some kind of worth as a critique of reality television but those people are simply fooling themselves. This is a brain-dead piece of crap that should be stricken from the public memory.


Except the first ten minutes or so... they're actually pretty good.


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