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BODY COUNT

The slasher film was dying a slow death in the mid-1980s. What was already a generic, by-the-numbers affair had turned into a barren wasteland of retreads and sequels. We were still another decade or so away from the great direct-to-video boom that would, in some small way, breathe a bit of life back into the bloodstained beast and it was becoming quite apparent that the slasher film, once a guaranteed moneymaker, was becoming more and more of an audience deterrent than a sure thing. Over in Italy, their slasher-esque brand of cinematic nightmare, the giallo, had been dead and buried for the past five years. Only Dario Argento and a handful of other filmmakers were still making gialli and sporadically at that. So it seems a bit strange that Italian filmmakers were producing slasher films in the mid-80s. Granted, any slight chance of making a few bucks would send the Italian genre community into a flurry of activity, but it all seems so pointless. They had done this kind of thing in a much better way for so many years. Why bother creating lesser product - dumber product, in fact - when resurrecting the giallo proper would make more sense?

But I digress. Of the Italian-made slasher films produced in the 1980s, only two have any semblance of a cult following, STAGEFRIGHT, directed in 1987 by Argento-protege Michele Soavi, and this film, BODY COUNT, directed in 1987 by shockmeister Ruggero Deodato - though you could toss in the 1982 Spanish-Italian co-production PIECES if you'd like. Both films ape the overall feel of the North American born slasher films. Both films play by all the familiar rules, break no new ground and are less than challenging films meant for mass consumption, but Soavi's film is undeniably the better of the two, a film with genuine style and method to it's madness. BODY COUNT, on the other hand, feels cheap and flat. Were it not for the obvious dubbing, no one would be able to tell the difference between this film, shot in Italy, and any run of the mill United States lensed slasher.

BODY COUNT has four credited screenwriters attached to it. It feels it, too. The story is all over the place. Essentially what we have here is just a variant of FRIDAY THE 13TH. We begin with the murder of two young teens at a camp ground owned and operated by Robert Richie and his wife Julia. Fifteen years later, the camp ground is closed. Two groups of teenager(? - possibly; I don't know how old they're supposed to be, but I'll stick with the teenager label) arrive and are allowed to stay by Julia. Robert is far less enthusiastic, though his discomfort over having guests is alleviated somewhat by the presence of their son Ben, who is just returning from military service. Robert is a bit of a nut, planting traps all over the woods in an attempt to capture the "Indian Shaman", a malevolent entity he thinks is responsible for the deaths of those kids a decade and a half ago. Also sulking around the place is the town Sheriff, Charlie. Charlie and Julia are having an affair, a fact that has not escaped the attention of Robert. In no time flat, the obnoxious teenagers are being bumped off one-by-one by a grotesque killer is typically brutal fashion.

That's really all there is to it. But even as threadbare as it sounds, the narrative here is ridiculously complicated. The writing is simply all over the place. We have a family drama being played out, a supernatural angle that is brought up from time to time, a love triangle, some strange business with a Deputy Sheriff and the town doctor, and the whole generic slasher film all being spun at the same time is disproportionate measures. It really feels like a story that was designed by committee. The fact that one of the screenwriters on this film is Dardano Sacchetti makes the whole thing even more lamentable. Half of the fun of slasher films is the relative ease of the stories. Nothing extraneous or unnecessary, just a quick set-up and go. This film feels like it's trying to gain buoyancy by complicating itself, by trying to be more than what it is. It's distracting, especially given that it's done so poorly.

In fact, that's the thing I disliked the most about this film. There's a whole segment of the cast that are genuinely great. David Hess, Mimsy Farmer, Ivan Rassimov, Charles Napier and John Steiner are all featured in BODY COUNT, but their scenes all have to do with the unnecessary nonsense that's cluttering up the film. That part of the cast are all wonderful performers who deserve a film of their own. But Deodato and company confine them to pointless exchanges and plot padding that simply go nowhere. Those five actors are this film's best assets and they are utterly, shamefully wasted.

Which brings me to the film's biggest problem: everyone else. Simply put, BODY COUNT has one of the most obnoxious, unlikeable, unattractive and stupid groups of teenagers ever to be put on film. It also contains perhaps the best example of my least favorite type of slasher movie cliche character: the insufferable, 'ain't I clever?' fat guy character. Not since HALLOWEEN 5 have I wanted to break a character's neck so badly. There seems to be this thing with slasher film writers where they confuse a loud, abhorrent fat fuck with zero personality, constantly cracking one liners that are not funny, with entertainment value. Most slasher film writers torture us by keeping this character alive well past their time to fuck off and die and the writers here make that same mistake - only FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5 shows us any mercy whatsoever by offing it's intolerable fat bastard within the first reel. For as many groans and facepalms as BODY COUNT rung out of me over it's running time, it at least gave me a single moment of unadulterated bliss. Watching the fat, stupid, utterly annoying son of a bitch die a painful death from having his chest punctured with a spike almost raised this film from a "OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP!" film to a "meh, not bad" film.

I said "almost". Truth be told, this is a particularly painful film to watch. Nothing is done well and nothing is done with any skill or craft. The requisite murders come fast and furious once the film gets started, almost approaching a BAY OF BLOOD level of insanity, but they've been rendered tame and mute by time and the ratings board censors. What violence is left is quick and dirty - Sacchetti gets to replay his 'knife through the mouth' gag from his HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY script - but not enough to satisfy slasher film fans. There isn't a single drop of suspense or a single moment of terror to be found in the entire film. Deodato's usually sure-handed direction is sloppy and disinterested and the film feels haphazardly edited. The only behind-the-scenes contributor that puts in any real effort is Claudio Simonetti, delivering a score which retains just a bit of Goblin flair without being derivative, something that cannot be said about any other aspect of this film.

BODY COUNT really is a disappointment. Now we all know better than to expect slasher film's to be great films - it's a minor miracle when a slasher film can even be called 'good' - but the pedigree both behind and in front of the camera should have created a film much, much better than this. Deodato was - and still is - one of the more talented genre filmmakers that Italy has to offer. His excursions into cannibal films, gialli and rape-revenge sub-genres have all produced striking, transgressive films that have stood the test of time. With a great cast of memorable character actors like Hess, Farmer, Steiner, Napier and Rassimov, a great screenwriter like Sacchetti and the wonderfully imaginative Simonetti all on board, you would expect Deodato to have delivered a film worth seeing. Unfortunately he doesn't. It's just another slasher film, no different from any other slasher film you've ever seen. A damned shame. This could have been a great one.

Not recommended.