review

LAST HOUSE ON THE BEACH

If you doubt the impact of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT on the horror industry at home and abroad, do yourself a favor and check out how many knock-offs it has produced since it's release. While people are heading out to the theaters as we speak to check out the LAST HOUSE remake, I thought I'd skip reviewing that nifty slice of exploitation and choose a knock-off instead. So many to choose from... NIGHT TRAIN MURDERS? Nah. CHAOS? Nah. How about THE HOUSE AT THE EDGE OF THE PARK? Nah. LAST HOUSE ON THE BEACH? Why not?


Big mistake.


Last House on the Beach

Three geniuses have just robbed a bank. On the run from the law, they break into a house on a deserted stretch of beach. Inside they find a nun and a gaggle of school girls. One of our three robbers tries to rape one of the girls and ends up with a gaping wound for his troubles. As tensions rise and surprisingly little happens, the three crooks indulge in a little bit of rape. When things get a little out hand and one of the girls ends up dead, the nun decides she's had enough and begins her revenge. Believe it or not, that's all that happens. And I was being gracious.


Prosperi Last House on the Beach

In my review of TRIP WITH THE TEACHER, I mentioned how easy it is to make a rape/revenge film. It really isn't hard. And the sub-genre is so ripe with exploitative promise that it's always a disappointment to see one that fails hard. This is one of those films. LAST HOUSE ON THE BEACH contains very little in the way of nudity and even less in the way of violence. The villain's comeuppance is laughable at best and the women are so bland and annoying that you won't feel the slightest bit of pity when the rape scenes - which are mostly suggested and unconvincing - roll around. The film only manages one slightly queasy moment. One of the young women tries to escape but is caught and brought back to the house. The cretin with the now-infected wound rapes her to death with his cane. Unfortunately - or fortunately, depending - the whole scene is tame and lifeless, ended prematurely with an edit and filmed primarily in close-up. There's nothing on the level of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT - original or remake - here.


Last House on the Beach Franco Prosperi

It's especially disappointing once you remember the film was directed by Franco Prosperi, the man behind some of the most vomit-inducing Mondo films ever. Surely the man who filmed several real executions and wholesale animal slaughter for AFRICA ADDIO could come up with something a bit more crass than this? With the level of brutality and carnage burning up Italian theaters at the time - this was the heyday of the giallo, after all - LAST HOUSE ON THE BEACH must have felt like a warm walk in the park upon it's release. I can't imagine the yawns it must have produced in the various grindhouses it played. I know I was tempted to turn it off halfway through and I've sat through 555 and DEAD BOYZ CAN'T FLY back-to-back.


File under CRAP.


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