review

BLOODY BIRTHDAY

There are a great number of horror films that tetter on the edge of absurdity. BLOODY BIRTHDAY, an early entry in the soon to be ravenous slasher genre, leaps off that edge with it's arms outstretched and a great big smile on it's stupid face.


The three killers.

Three children are born on the night of a lunar eclipse. Ten years later, they're to celebrate a mutual birthday together. Between going to class and doing their homework they also kill a bunch of people. Unbelievably kill a bunch of people that is. Look, I understand that this is a simple horror film and as such logic and believability must be thrown to the dogs. I get that. But how in the world is someone supposed to get through a movie that opens with a little kid strangling a naked girl with a jump rope, literally lifting her off her feet?


Or, an even better example, how is one supposed to buy that two little kids can not only hot wire a car but drive it, one behind the wheel, the other pushing the pedals? Ridiculous to say the least. And while this high level of cheese might have made BLOODY BIRTHDAY one of those so-bad-it's-good films, fun at a party or with a few beers in your gut, it's devoid of anything even remotely resembling fun. At least DEVIL TIMES FIVE managed to play out this same kind of scenario with some skill. BLOODY BIRTHDAY is so pedestrian and so utterly devoid of interest that I had to fight a very difficult battle with myself to not hit the fast forward button.


The only bright spot, Julie Brown.

At least there's some halfway decent nudity (including a pre-MTV Julie Brown looking oh-so-yummy) sprinkled into the mix. Otherwise the only boob would have been me for even turning it on.


The director of the film, Ed Hunt, shoots just about everything in detached medium focus shots and doesn't seem to have any idea of rhythm or pacing. The film plods along and, at 85 minutes, is about 30 minutes too long. While other movies dealing with homicidal rug rats (CHILDREN OF THE CORN, WHO COULD KILL A CHILD?, the aforementioned DEVIL TIMES FIVE) manage to squeeze a few genuine chills out of their cast of pre-pubescents, our little murderers here are as obnoxious a group of kids as you're ever likely to see outside of a Toys R Us. All I wanted to do is kick the little bastards across the lawn, steal their lunch money, buy a baseball bat with it, and then come back and finish the job.


If Hunt's objective was to make the most ridiculous and ungodly awful movie he possibly could, well then congrats, Mr. Hunt. You've made a stinker.


Recommended for sadists and mental deficients only.


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