Films That Witness Madness

review

JASON GOES TO HELL

JASON GOES TO HELL is the best example of what happens to a franchise when it stays around too long. Abysmal, stupid and convoluted, this 9th entry in (so far) the longest running horror franchise in film history has absolutely nothing going for it except it's pure insanity and it's willingness to insult the already low intelligence of the FRIDAY THE 13TH fanboys that turned a simple, pointless film into a multi-million dollar cash cow. It re-invents the mythology of the series - admittedly not a hard task - as it goes along and scarcely resembles any of the films that have come before it. You can sense that the filmmakers really intended this to be the final film of the franchise. They created a scenario so absolutely stupid that no one would ever be able to reconcile it in the future.

I'm not even going to bother with a synopsis of any kind. I'd bet that most of you have seen it at least once. As a horror fan, I remember watching FRIDAY THE 13TH movies when I was a kid and enjoying them solely for the T and A and the violence. I didn't care - as I'm sure most FRIDAY fans don't - about the paper-thin storylines or obnoxious characters. I only cared that tits were bared and blood was spilled. By the time JASON GOES TO HELL hit theaters, my tastes were beginning to change. I had spent so much time sitting on the couch absorbing slasher films that I began to grow irritated when filmmakers shit out the same tired scenarios over and over again. Part of me was excited to see JASON GOES TO HELL because of what I had read about it in Fangoria. It was going to be a radical departure from the FRIDAY formula. It was going to be different while still offering up what I loved most about the series. It was going to be a blast, I told myself.

What I got instead was a weird mix of plot elements from various other horror movies wrapped up in generic FRIDAY THE 13TH wrapping paper. The body-skipping elements from films like THE FIRST POWER got tangled up with a few things from EVIL DEAD, some decidedly Cronenbergian moments rubbed shoulders with Lovecraft-inspired black magic imagery and the whole thing resolved itself with a long, boring fight scene that felt like it was choreographed by a WWE performer, a few shoddy demon puppets and a groaner of a surprise ending. When the film was over, I remember sitting there thinking "the fuck was that?!" before getting to my feet and walking out, completely embarrassed to be seen walking from the auditorium where the film had just played. Had the filmmakers intended to drag the franchise in a new direction, they succeeded. If they intended to make a decent flick, they failed.

Because JASON GOES TO HELL is not a decent flick. Hell, it's not even a decent FRIDAY THE 13TH flick. It's a weird pseudo-sequel that tries to explain away the paper-thin garbage that came before it but mostly comes off as an apologetic wank-fest that has barely a new idea in it's tired, mentally-challenged body. I appreciate the attempt at creating something fresh out of a mound of donkey-shit but the lengths the filmmakers go to do so is mind-boggling. Jason is really a body-jumping demon created by his mother's dabblings in the occult? Seriously? That's the best the filmmakers could think of?!

But I suppose when your fans have swallowed the same mindless vomit for close to two decades, you can't be blamed for thinking that they're so damned stupid they'd swallow this too. It's a comforting thought that so many FRIDAY THE 13TH fanboys trash this film at every opportunity - and a goddamned shame that they then say "it's nowhere as good as PART 3", as if they just can't let go of the dumb - because it really deserves to be wiped from the public consciousness. It's awful, derivative and just plain ridiculous.

Come to think of it... it really would have been a perfect finale for this idiotic franchise. Oh well.

Not recommended.

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