TWILIGHT

I know what you're thinking...


Just what the FUCK does this guy think he's doing? This is a site dedicated to EXPLOITATION films! Why is he reviewing something as idiotic as TWILIGHT? Well, allow me to answer. I sat down to watch TWILIGHT fully expecting to not enjoy it. It is, after all, aimed squarely at a demographic I am not a part of: young girls aged 12 to 20. I was also not expecting anything like a standard vampire film. So my expectations for TWILIGHT were remarkably low. It did not disappoint. But while I can get past the fact that it is a lousy film, what I can't get past is just how shamelessly manipulative, stupid, and utterly anti-feminist it is. My decision to include it here is one half revenge - as a bookstore employee, you can't imagine just how sick to death I am of everyone telling me how great this film is - and one half concern. For a film designed for teenaged girls, TWILIGHT delivers some rather disheartening messages.


TWILIGHT tells the tale of Bella Swan - as in "Beautiful Swan", ugh - a shy, clumsy wallflower who moves out to Forks, Washington, to live with her dad, the local police chief. Though she immediately falls in with a group of annoying WB wanna-bes, Bella finds herself more interested in Edward Cullen, a good looking weirdo with pale skin, golden eyes, and candy-colored lips. Problem is, Edward has a borderline personality disorder. Or he acts like it at least. But they soon grow closer and fall madly in love. But there's another problem... Edward's a vampire. Or that SHOULD be a problem. Bella doesn't mind, despite the fact that Edward tells her repeatedly about how much he'd like to drink her blood. Bella falls in with the Cullen family - a group of vampires who have taken to drinking animal blood instead of the blood of humans to survive. Everything is going well until a group of nomadic vampires start killing people in town and one of them develops a fixation on Bella.


The sole reason for TWILIGHT's success - or at the very, very least, one of the main reasons - is Robert Pattinson. Have no idea who he is? Ask any girl you come across. Chances are they have a picture of him in their purses, on their cell phone, or tucked away in their panties. Problem is, for people like me - heterosexual men, that is - Pattinson is just an actor and not a pretty face. That means there's nothing to distract us from the character he's playing. And Edward is not a very likeable character. For some reason, women have convinced themselves that the character of Edward is "the perfect guy" but lets take a look at what the character of Edward really is. He's overbearing, controlling, emotionally manipulative, emotionally abusive, insecure, and downright creepy as hell. His confession that he's been spending his nights sneaking into Bella's bedroom to watch her sleep is profoundly disturbing. All that without mentioning his repeated assertion that he might lose control at any moment and kill the girl he loves.


And THIS is the perfect guy?


And then there's the "Beautiful Swan" herself, Bella. Bella is awkward, geeky, socially inept, insecure, and clumsy. It's clear that Bella is meant to be an audience surrogate. If you're a teenage outcast or unattractive, Bella is your "Insert Name Here" character. But Bella also stands for something else, something that goes back to the old Disney fairy tale days. In those good old Disney days, the heroine was always little more than a naive victim, a damsel in distress needing a big, strong man to save her from danger. Only a knight in shining armor could make the Princess' life complete. Bella may have had some semblance of a happy life before her move to Forks, but the movie gives no indication of that. As it stands, Bella is simply nothing without Edward. She is defined by him, by their relationship and by what he means to her. Edward tells her that he has "killed people". She responds, "it doesn't matter". For young girls watching TWILIGHT, this might come across as something more than dime-store romantic babble. It might come across as permission to place themselves in unhealthy relationships simply because they feel they love someone.


"I sell crack cocaine" ... "It doesn't matter".


"I've raped women" ... "It doesn't matter".


Or how about the one we've all heard before:


"He beats you" ... "It doesn't matter".


If I had a teenage daughter, TWILIGHT would be my worst nightmare.


But, try as you might, you can't point out these kinds of things to the TWILIGHT faithful. They will point out things about the book(s) that are not present in the film as justification for Bella and Edward's unhealthy relationship. Those kinds of things don't matter here. This is a film, a single film, separate from the books, and needs to be judged as such. TWILIGHT the film simply does not work as a piece of romantic wish-fulfillment unless your idea of romance is complete subordination, emotional mind games, and possible injury or worse at the hands of the person you love.


Not the kind of relationship you want teenage girls hoping for. And definitely not the type of relationship you want them to be in.


Not recommended.